heyss.

woah.
so many things happened in a blink of an eye.
feelings get all mixed up.
n we're back to square one.

finally when i come across d one i really like.
things get really difficult.
yes i admit.
i really2 like him.
even the smallest things he do can make me smile d whole day.
yes i know.
eversince my last breakup.
i had nvr like anyone as much as him.
i like his personality.
d way he's patient.
d way he treats me.
d way he treat ppl.
d way he respects ppl.
d way he always gives in.
d way he talk.
d way he smells.
d fact tt he doesnt drink.
or go to other extend.
simply i love d way he makes me smile.
i love the feeling i get each time i'm with him.
each time he kisses me.
each time he hugs me.
each time he bullies me.
each time he calls me.
each time he tries to wake me up in d mornin.

everything btwn us is fine.
d only problem is.
everything else around us doesnt seem to be on our side.

its only been a wk.
but d obstacles can nvr b compared.

his friends.
i know most of them used to have feelings for me.
but i turned them down.
like i said.
d most i can do is say sorry.
n tt d fact is i don feel d same way towards dem as i do with him.
but sure i got my reasons y.
if i cant like u, i cant force myself to ryt?
in d end i wont only be lying to u but i'd be lying to myself to0.
i just dont want him to b treated differently just becaue he's with me.
n i hate d fact tt they think i like him just because he got a bike.
i swear to god tt thought nvr even came across my mind.
if u know me well,i'm not into these stuffs.

his ex.
i went plaza sing just now for my orientation.
n i bumped into her cos she's working there.
she congratulated me first.
den we started talking abt him.
n it hurts me just to see how much she really love him.
i'm just scared i wont be as good as her.
it hurts me more knowing she's still in love with him.
she dont say it.
but i can see it.
of course.
he was her first ex.
and they had a 1 yr relationship.

i lost a very close friend.
a very close friend indeed.
n i must admit.
i'm not used to us being this way.
he aint calling me anymore.
we aint chatting with each other animore.
we dont even talk to each other when we meet.
i'm so not use to it.
i wish we cud b like b4.
but whats done is done.
n right now.
d only thing i can do is just to miss him.
n yes i am missing him more them words can say.

and i'm not used to d fact tt i need to break d news around.
especially to those who i'd turned down b4.
like my x classmates.
n d gv staffs.

and it gets really difficult.
i'm not sure if i'm willing to let go of everything.
or him.

fuck.
its been a while since i've been feeling this down.
gosh i almost forgot how it feels like to have tears rolling down my cheeks.
or tt feeling of getting stab in the heart.

i like u a lot.
but like they say.
we cant have everything in life.
we gain n we loose things at the same time.
but i cant bear loosing u.
nor loosing what i have now.

i wish i could hold u tightly.
n knowing tt everything is going to be alright.

right now, ure at d next blk.
sitting with ur friends.
while here i am.
pouring out all my thoughts.
i just dont want to trouble u.
guess i've gotten u into enough trouble already.
i'm sorry~