Warning. this is going to be a very long entry.
oh well.
let me explain in further details so as not to maKe.
miss farhana bte syawal get the wrong idea.
hehe.
yesterday went to me the bf.
he accompanied me to my makcik's house to get my laptop.
then send me to library the meet farna.
i think i met the bf like lesser then 30 mins.
haha.
k done.
so today.
meet the siti alijah bte ghazali to go cut her hair.
nice seyy the outcome.
then headed to tm to meet shahryl while she eat.
drop by gv for a while.
kinda miss working.
then sent alijah home.
then me and him go buy some stuffs to eat before meeting an and apul under the block.
oh well.
meet the bf later.
bla3.
guess everyone wants his attention as much as i do.
his friends.
sofie.
me.
so i gotta change a lot of things
hopefully it will work.
i have to lower down my expectation.
like when he's not schooling or working,
instead of thinking
"yes! i have him all to myself"
i should be thinking
"i am not meeting him tmrw,what plans do i have?"
instead.
and i should have the
"kalau jmp,jmp. tak jumpe tkpe ahh" attitude.
instead of wanting to see him always.
and each time i got something to do.
or somewhere to go.
i should not have the
"lets ajak bf accompany me" mindset.
but the" who should i ajak to accompany me" mindset instead.
i shall not depend on him or rely on him.
make him just the bf.
noting more.
and i can only meet him twice a week.
which i am not used to too.
because he'll be spending at least 3 days with his friends.
and another 2 with sofie.
and i dislike meetin bf even if can meet like few mins,
cos i find it sort of waste of time.
lesser then an hr myt as well not meet.
nyhehehe.
and i'm nvr tried this b4
so i'm not sure what the outcome will be.
but one thing for sure the gates to my heart is starting to open.
i'm just afraid someone else might just slip in.
so i'm gonna start working alot
not because i need the money.
but to kill my boredom.
and i'm just afraid i get too used to working.
and will start that lazy attitude towards the bf.
or even worst.
feelings grow for smone else.
lately been getting to know many guys.
thru the radiochat thingy aan introduced me to.
and the fact that quite a number added me in msn thru friendster.
and some even asked for my no on the streets.
which of course i didnt give cos my bill is pilling up.
but there was one.
that specifically stood up.
on the day tt i went to pasir ris.
otw home.
we took 21.
all my friend stopped at the tamp jc busstop.
so i was alone.
and i knew behind me was a malay guy so i didnt bother.
so i put on my mp3 and played the song kinda loudly.
eventually,
i was huming along to the song.
and as it was an acoustic song,i could actually heard smone else singing along to it.
so i turned around.
so of course i was smiling.
and he smiled back.
that's when our conversation started.
we talked about all these bands and songs.
it was nice.
and we exchanged our email add.
thats all.
beides that.
on that day.
rasydan and i talked alot since we really havent seen each other in a while.
but he said corect him if he's wrong.
i seemed kinda depressed.
just like the time i recently broke up with the first love.
i dont know.
haish.
i mean i'll just bear with it.
and see how low it can actully bring me.
if it steps over the line then.
guess i gotta move on.
and get myself something better.
like he said.
" and whatever you're going through now, if you're too confused then maybe you can ask yourself why put yourself through all the agony? yes and everything happens for a reason."
sometimes i just love the fact that you know me better then i do.
you know when i'm down.
you know when i'm not.
and at times,
ur werds make sense when everyone else's doesnt.
like you said.
"well maybe its time you decide that you can depend on yourself and not neccesarily that you need someone."
and each time i read ur blog,
the words never fails to convince me.
haish.
i hate it when ppl call me then in the end they sleep.
wth.
but wat the heck.
i wanna go radiochat to have some fun.
nyehehe.
XD
i think i'm causing too much trouble to you. just makes me wanna take a step and walkaway.
thats bf and sofie on bf's bdae.