this was taken tt tym.
just seem to think my blog not enuff pics.
cos lately also not takin loads of pics.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
this was taken tt tym.
just seem to think my blog not enuff pics.
cos lately also not takin loads of pics.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
everything is not getting any better.
but i really wonder whyy i get so easily fcking jealous with him.
and i dont recall me being this way with my x.
i mean my x had plenty more fans then he does.
each time he goes online,girls would be the one saying hi to him first
not one or two. but damn more then that.
he's testi were all girls.
etc lah.
but whyy wasnt i jealous back then?
i mean.
i get so jealous over small little things.
and it really irritates me.
cos i'm not used to feeling this way.
and each time i feel jealous.
it'd only make me feel stupid.
and at the same time demoralising me.
i hate it.
or maybe because i nvr had a bf who's older then me.
and its like.
we look at things differently.
and we like things differently.
you know.
bikes.
clubbings and stuff.
i'm only 16.
turnin 17 in like 5 mths time.
whereas he's 18.
turnin 19 in 20 days time.
n yesterday i went out to study with him.
went to the block next to mine.
and after he stop making notes,i was still stressed with my maths.
so he just sat there and looked.
while i was too engrossed with my work.
he sent a msg to my hp.
and u know.
those words really touched me.
i went over and gave him a hug.
and i know those eyes nvr lie.
i'm not really sure if i saw what i saw.
but i saw tears building up in ur eyes.
and u said u wanted to throw something
as an xcuse to wipe it away?
dear,
i really love you.
maybe thats y,
right now.
i dont know what to do.
we started of with a great start.
n how we pulled thru every other obstacle together.
i really dont want any of those to go down the drain.
neither do i want only memories of you left.
and i'm not sure if we hang on,
its worth the ride.
but baby,
all i need is for u to prove it to me.
and maybe we'll pull thru this one.
just like we did before.
Friday, July 28, 2006
heyss.
so finally replaced my thumbdrive with my own money.
cost me 90 bucks
but its ok.
mesti ader hikmah disebalik ape yg berlaku.
other than that,
dad bought me a new lappy.
yes.
a new lappy.
yeayness.
aniway had fun today.
went sch.
meet up with parents.
bought lappy.
went gv.
met up with din and the rest there.
then meet shahryl.
then went home.
met him at night for a while.
haish.
just heard some hurtful things someone can do behind my back.
but its up to him uhz.
lie as much as you want.
exagerate as much as u want.
satisfy urself as much as u want.
spoil rotten my name as much as u want.
hurt me as much as u want.
but i'll just shrug em off.
only god knows the truth.
bodek2 org je tau.
ish~
but i understand.
maybe cos ure new to thise things.
but wth.
well as for my guy.
i really dont know lah.
but i really did tell you everything.
maybe its the age gap difference.
that makes our interests and the way we think differently.
you see.
i dont want to trouble you a lot.
maybe its just me.
i hate feeling that way.
but if i cant take it anymore,
whyy should i stay?
you know.
at times, i feel like whats the use of having me here.
she's way much better.
in terms of everything.
at times i dont see whats the use of hanging on any longer.
i cant even turn to him.
its like u're just a bf.
a name.
noting more,
but in reality.
we're just like frens.
being in a relationship should have more then being in a friendship u see.
but i see notin more.
she loves and appreciate you just the way u are.
she sacrifices so much just for you.
and i dont think i'll ever be as good as her.
maybe i dont deserve you.
or maybe because you deserve someone way better then i am.
=(
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
was surfining the net just now.
came across so many stuffs as i read them.
then everything became as mess again.
y cant it for once be really2 ok with me?
one minutes its fine,
and the next,
everything jumbles up again.
i need someone to talk to abt this.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
i lost my blardy thumbdrive
that consist of all my projects in it!
wtf.
went all the way back to sch at night just to find for it.
but to no avail.
haish.
i'd do anything to get it back.
well~
not really everything.
but at least.
oh well~
everything happens for a gd reason.
haahs.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
hellos.
so wednesday caught nacho libre with din,azura and fathiah.
ok lah.
quite lame but very cute.
thursday went out to study after sch.
friday went work after sch.
then after that went mac with din,fai,ayu and the rest.
so today was suppose to be our 4th mth.
but instead i'm going out with alijah to catch a movie at arnd 6.
then maybe catching another midnight movie with din.
cos he choosed not to go out today.
wth.
i also lazy already lahh.
trying my best not to depend on him.
as in dont put too much hope.
really many things have been happening lately.
everything within me.
and yes i really dont know who to talk to abtt this.
but oh well.
i just feel like going to the beach tonight.
anyone up for it?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Lyrics express what one feels.
if you wanna hear the song its just under my music section on the right.
ignore the videoclip cos i know its lame.
cos i cant find anymore of the clip.
and i dont know how to upload my own songs.
just listen to the song.
it all make sense.
and the lyrics are just below.
enjoy.
Didn't you want to hear the sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear the expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up and
I don't think that I Have the strength to let you go
Maybe it's just me,
Couldn't you believe that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye,
and your calm hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered and
I'm here to sing about the things that mattered
about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong
Maybe it's just me,
Couldn't you believe that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye,
and your calm hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
And someday,
I promise I'll be gone
And someday,
I might even sing this song
To you,
I might even sing this song,
to you and
I was crying alone tonight and
I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it better than it ever was x2
Maybe it's just me,
Couldn't you believe that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye,
and your calm hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving And the tear in your eye,
and your calm hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place ( I want it all, Don't leave right now) (I'll give you everything)
Monday, July 17, 2006
sometimes,
something BAD needs to happen in order to find out who your real true friends are.
you may be very2 close to them.
but it may not MEAN to be a thing to them.
i hate ppl who say this.
say that.
but in the end.
they turn back on their words.
like wanting to meet then last minit cancel.
or saying u wont do this but in the end u do.
the truth is always the best.
whats wrong with that?
a true friend is sincere in wanting to be ur friend.
not just to get close to u cos of guys.
a true friend will avoid hurting each other.
not hide things frm u cos they know it will hurt.
a true friend doesnt ALWAYS THINK FOR THEMSELVES.
not everyone range of sensitivity is the same.
yeah ryt.
thats what friends are for.
aniway,
catch mistress of spices just now with din.
it was nice.
aniway.
no 2 party of the opposite sex can be really close without having FEELINGS for each other.
no matter how hard you try to deny it now.
u'll soon find out.
or
when 2 party of the opposite sex are close without feelings,
feelings are BOUND to GROW.
no matter how hard you try to deny it now.
u'll soon find out.
WHATEVER LAHH EH.
gotta drag my butt back into the studying mood sia.
xams are near.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
haiya.
been feelin so fuckish these days.
n i only have to thank that someone for puttin up with me .
n to willingly wanna hear me out.
you know sometimes ur too nice to me.
and i treat you like shit.
yet youre still there.
thanks for your patience.
aniway been working night these past 2 days.
aniway its still ok lah as long as din is around.
there to cheer me up.
dont know what with the ppl around me.
damn lazy already lah.
what's the motive of saying something but turnin back on ur words.
n from all those freaking shit that you told me.
i can summarise everything up.
you know me well enough ar.
da suke ckp je ar.
dont feel like i can trust anyone these days.
not even him.
maybe its just me.
wth.
found out so many things at a time.
i just want a friend.
the one i can spill everything to.
whatever that's deep down.
and get it off my chest.
is that too much to ask for?
yes i got a diary to spill everything out.
but it doesnt give me response you see.
and in the end everything is just locked up inside.
studies.
relationship.
work.
money.
friends.
but most importantly my feelings.
its been playing around recently.
and i barely know what i feel at a point of time.
haish.
i got a freaking engine fund test tmrw.
and i have no time to study.
lost interest.
fuck.
goodbye then.
Monday, July 10, 2006
hellos.
haiyo.
maybe i've been watching too much tevee lately.
haha.
i've been watching disney channel.
and the stupid thing is most of the show like coincidently knows what i'm thinking.
wth.
liike i watched phil of the future.
phil and keely were best friends.
until they were voted the cutest couple by the sch.
then they became a couple.
liike i watched that's so raven.
raven and eddy were best friends.
until they tried this online perfect match thingy.
then they dated each other.
i mean wth.
there i'm trying to prove myself wrong.
cos i keep thinkin that 2 oppsoite sex wont b best friends without any feelings for each other.
get what i mean?
aniway jar is going to stay overnight at his friends bdae chalet or something like that.
so i'll be free for 3 WHOLE days.
i want do something in the afternoon.
i mean at night n morning i'm bound to have plans with din and all.
so anyone wanna got out with me?
i'm feeling things i shudnt feel.
and its stupid.
jealousy is stupid.
but no matter how i try to get rid of it.
i can't help it.
shessh~
n that crazy nad didnt sit for her o lvl mt oral just now.
buang tebiat ehh?
this was some pics taken on the 24 of june.
when we wanted to celebraTE fit's bdae.
we went nydc at heeren to eat.
jah. an. fit. rais. kim. alip.
them.
alip eating.
my bro eating
an eating.
rais n fit.
us.
reflection
did you notice almost everyone is wearing black?
n look at my colour of shirt.
mine.his. fit.
.
at tamp mrt.
well besides that.
i cant recall what day.
but i took bus 15 home.
n the seat was green.
so cool~
haha.
jakun kan.
haha.
its like so nice. =)
as for today,
we went cineleisure.
cos the guys wanted to play cs.
n they played for 3 hrs.
that place was darn cool.
and plus,
it was raining today.
haha.
after that went makan then go home.
so here i am now.
though we didnt took lots of pics.
we did take some.
alip.
him.
us.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
i dont know what happening within me nowadays.
i dont know what happening around me nowadays.
i dont know who to trust.
i dont know who to believe.
i dont know which side of me to believe either.
its funny lah how many things can change in a blink of an eye.
n the next thing i know,i'd be wondering what i'm feeling would be temporary or not.
at times i just feel like the people close to me seem to be lying.
n what's thier motif for that?
whats wrong with speaking out the truth.
you'll nvr know until you try.
i dont know why most of the time i do nvr seem to be good enough for anyone especially you know who.
maybe its just me.
but i need you to convince me.
its like when i need smone to really be here.
n no one turns up.
not even the one u xpected the most.
i thought that u were different from the others.
but maybe it was too early to have judged you.
i'm wondering y i'm feeling this way.
they say it takes to hands to clap.
i know that someone loves HSM.
i think that person should really listen to the lyrics of this song.
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
now its 2.20 am and i know i should be sleeping because tmrw i have my java lessons at 9 in the morning.
futhermore my head has been aching.
but wth.
had a power trip thanks to my fridge.
at 1 am in the morning.
n to make things worst,
this morning my mum just went ntuc to buy all the frozen fo0d.
so she was kinda disappointed so me n bro had to rush to nearest 7 11 to buy ice to make our own cooler.
wth.
didnt go sch just now.
didnt go work either.
was sick.
yes sick.
sickening sia.
so missed jacky's birthday outing too i gues.
besides that i've received my FIRST wanring letter.
hahahahah.
wth.
i have taken my medcine.
i swallowed 2 pills.
which is strange cos i can hardly swallow 1.
haha.
the doc claims that it would relax my muscles n make me feel sleepy.
but wth.
like no effect.
so yesterday i went meet smone under my blk.
n yess its been mths since i last saw him.
close to six mths.
n yess he's changed.
sat down n talked for a while.
gave him his very late bdae present.
n then he went off to meet his friend.
n i shall not xplain in further details.
n yes.
i love my dearest alijah.
though she 's far.
she just now when i needed her the most.
love u loads.
i'm not sure where nad has been these days.
she claim to be at her friends house the last time i chat with her.
n the lasy time i saw her we went to eat.
she havent been calling me since.
but i hope she's fine.
n not getting into things she issnt suppose to..
if i cant sleep.
i wanna watch tonights match.
cos i cant talk on the fone since he's asleep.
so whats left to do is just to msg smone for company.
n the only one i can think of who is awake at this time is him.
but wth.
nyts.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
heyys~
changed my new skin n i'm loving it.
=)
so sch has just started.
n i've gotten my term results back.
n it sucks.
kinda dissapointed though.
gotten
66/100 for engine maths.
73/100 for engine fund.
*sob2*
besides that working is more fun these days
maybe becos there are more malays now.
n some new staff are fun.
n maybee i'm getting my increment soon.
=)
many things have been happening lately.
n wow.
everythin is changing in a blink of an eye.
n i got myself confuse at times.
btw wth.
they say everything always happens for a reason ryt.
haha.
tc then.